The "Disappointed" Dad.

The original purpose of this blog was to have a way of expressing to my kids what my beliefs are, what I've learned and other things that I hadn't expressed well or at all heretofore over the years. I didn't have confidence that the media and our educational institutions were teaching correct principles. Hearing the views and vacuous opinions of the young and other supposedly educated people who didn't seem to understand what our country was about, the history of civilizations, the systems that have failed and the principles & practices that have lifted humanity up, were what prompted the initial posts. I believe understanding these things will bless everyone's lives, including my family and make them so much richer in many ways. To me, in light of the current events, religion and politics are the same thing. The basic principles of our country's founding and the philosophies that should guide us as individuals are identical. I'll elaborate on these things in another post in the near future, lucky you!!.

I'm gonna get a little more personal and confessional here so please bear with me.  Now that my offspring are all adults, out there following their own paths, I have a lingering regret that I don't feel confident that I have equipped them with all the 2nd-hand wisdom that I could have provided them with to face the crap-sandwich that life can be at times.  This is why I'm the "Disappointed" Dad. My source of disappointment isn't in a feeling that my loved ones haven't lived up to my expectations, no, not at all, because, in spite of the disadvantages they have faced, by and large they collectively have done pretty damn good!! It's in the fact that my time of being a normal father in a normal home with a normal loving family was cut short. Being a parent is on-the-job-training, sometimes you screw-up, but there is usually time to correct the deficiencies, remedy the offenses and teach life's lessons.

 I find it hard to believe, but who knows? Maybe a normal childhood life wouldn't have been the best for them, perhaps it was all meant to go that way. But with the disruption of our home, it all seemed sooooo wrong, so chaotic. They lost the daily contact and reaffirmation, a sense of peace, permanence and security that they should have had for the next several years. I sincerely apologize that that was the case.

Our parent-child relationships have evolved quite well as fellow adults and I value them as the closest of friends. I am honored that they also frequently seek my thoughts on things that are happening in their lives. Yet it was and occasionally has been disturbing to see them struggle with unfortunate events and trials in their lives that I'm convinced would have had a better outcome had they always had two parents, who held views that they respected and could rely on, readily available to guide them at the early stages of these challenges.

Some things can only be experienced firsthand and I can't protect them from most of what lies in their paths, but I believe some guiding principles that they could have relied on, some little voice they recognized as mine rattling around in their heads, giving them a hint on what to do, could have made a difference in the result and permanent consequences of some of their experiences. They have paid attention and have gotten some nuggets of wisdom from somewhere else. They've had several other people in their lives that have provided some guidance, but I think they have an innate compass within them to guide them. Perhaps their Maker was taking up the slack? I wonder if He ever felt the pangs of disappointment?

Leaving my kids with the burden of a legacy of divorce in our family is also "disappointing". I hope they value a marriage more than what they witnessed. I think they were cheated. Dad's don't like their kids being cheated.

The "Disappointed" theme has been haunting me for many years. It was named by the Attorney Ad-Litem who served as the mediator. The Mediation involved a big get-together around a big table and hashing out the terms of dissolving a marriage. Not fun. After that part of it all was finished and I was left sitting alone in the room, the lawyer came back in to give me copies of the agreement, she sat down next to me and said, "This is such an odd case. How do you feel about what is happening? I've been doing this for a long time. I can tell that you aren't mad, you're not sad or angry, maybe a little hurt, but seem like you are just the definition of ... um,.. Disappointed. Is that it"? I don't know what I answered. But that is how I've lived ever since and avoiding the chance of being disappointed by not ever investing in any expectation. It doesn't seem to have served me well, but that's what I'm left with. So now you know..........

I am profoundly proud of all of my children and am so grateful that they seem to be better equipped than most to choose suitable mates to raise their families with. Somewhere I have gotten and have internalized a definition of Love for another human being that I have had as far back as I can remember: When you Love someone, you believe that the world is a better place because they are in it. If you were ever faced with a situation where you would need to surrender your life so that the world could continue to be blessed by their remaining in it you would not hesitate to give it up. It takes a lot for me to feel that way about anyone, but I did the moment I knew that each of you were conceived.

I love R&B, funky rock music, Almond Joy, polynesian food and sushi. But I Love or Luv each of you and your kids.

Luv, Pa